ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

You ever have one of those mornings where you just feel like... like you're not okay, but you can't put your finger on why you're not okay. It's not that you're sad or angry or irritated... you're just not happy.

Who knows? Maybe it's a bit of boredom, too...and maybe a touch of fear that maybe things will always stay the same and nothing will ever move forward.

See, the thing is, even though listening to those people on Oprah talk about "The Secret" was kind of inspiring, it just feels so bloody hard to lift yourself out of a blah mood and to stop yourself from thinking, "I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here."

I always think about that Gwyneth Paltrow movie, "Sylvia", and that one scene where she's talking to a friend and you can tell she's in this really bad place in her mind. It's just the way she talks, you know? That dull acceptance of how weary her life is... it's so different from just being depressed, because it's like this whole other layer of defeat.

I guess I'm not really making all that much sense right now.

It's Ate Erlynns baby shower and birthday party and baste batch mates are coming... so I'd rather try perking up...

My pinsans : Olee, Ron, On and Pet are online now and we're on a conference... I guess that's one thing I should be happy about right?

I just have to keep telling myself that it's just one bad day... just one bad day to get through...

*wink

I'm kinda feeling barfy this afternoon when i woke up.

Well... every afternoon for the past week, I've woken up and dry heaved into the sink. Today I actually threw up and it oddly made me feel a little better.

Yeah, so I think that it's better for me to dial things back a bit, 'cause I feel like I'm a little too open and honest and blabbermouth-like when it comes to things in my life. It gets embarrassing when things don't work out.

*sigh

I don't know.

When a friend called last night, I just didn't feel like getting into anything and I was sort of distracted when she was telling me about how she'd finally met her boyfriend's mother.

I should be happy for her, right?

Then how come all I feel is nothing [except the urge to barf all the time]?

You want to know what the weirdest thing is? It's not like I feel depressed and unhappy. I just feel like... nothing.

It's a weird state to be in.

I mean, I haven't even had anything to bitch and moan about in my journal... and usually, I always have something to bitch and moan about.

Earlier, when I went to ML for Ate's kwarta padala, I almost freaked out sa teller sa daming kaartehan. Good thing I managed to be composed. I don't even know the person who sent Ate the money and to avoid so many more questions from the teller, when asked how am I related to the sender, I replied - Boyfriend ko. [ *nagulat ang mga tao! ha ha ha ]. What I'm gonna do? kse tatanungin pa kung bakit di pareho apelido namin kung sasabihin kong kamag-anak ko siya at marami at marami pa. Eh kung boyfriend? eh di malicious smile lang *he he he. The hell I care.

I was listening to this song the other night --- I'm almost embarrassed to mention it, but it was from that Canadian Idol winner, Melissa O'Neill, and it was her first single.

I actually found myself listening to it and thinking, "Yeah. She makes sense. You've just got to put yourself out there, 'cause even if you fall down, at least you'll know you tried."

I don't know.

Maybe I'm seriously cracking up.





And oo nga pala, aliw ako gumawa ng mga layouts these days. Here's one.