ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

Before coming to work yesterday, I asked H to join me for coffee. While enjoying our usual bantering, a very familiar woman with 2 kids approached us asking for alms. The usual “we ran out of money and now I don’t have enough to pay for our fare to Bulacan” spiel went. I wasn’t really in the mood to say also my usual “ilang buwan na kayo humihingi niyan ah, di parin kayo nakakauwi?” counter spiel so I just told her “naku Manang pasensiya wala din”.

When the woman went away, H quipped “di ka na naawa, kahit 5 lang sana binigyan natin, nakabili nga tayo ng ganito eh”, I just shrugged my shoulder and gestured “sorry”.

Should I feel guilty because I bought and consumed the drink, which is worth P180, when I could have just given a part of that amount to the poor woman asking for alms? Should I feel guilty that I have the time to spare to drink such expensive drinks when those who’re not so fortunate, had to work to the bone to find something to eat?

I think ads for charity are all too good eliciting that guilt feelings from us, so that we would donate to their foundations or fund-raising events. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with giving to the needy, but if we’re going to eradicate poverty, we should begin with eradicating the mentality of dependence.

And for such a reason, I prefer to give alms to street kids who’re selling flowers, or candies, buying their merchandise and giving an extra tip if they’re courteous than to those who beat at the car window asking for some coins. I prefer that those who’re asking for loans from me to do something reasonable for me in exchange of the money instead.

As a matter of fact, I’ve never believed in equal distribution of wealth. I find it a devolution of our value of giving rewards based on merit, shifting to a value of giving rewards based on need. I think what we should be propagating is a mindset that one should not get more because he needs more or that he has less than others, but rather, he will get what is due to him because of what work he had done.

But what about the poor? [I am too] How can they get out of poverty if we will not help? I think in this part, we would all be better off we’re to concentrate on generating more jobs that are parallel to one’s available skills, instead of using up resources for short-term solutions.

And I hope most people would be more like those people working even if it doesn’t pay that well. These are the people who will not demand things just because they have less, but rather, will work to make themselves worthy of what it is that they ask. This is the kind of attitude that all of us should have and it is the attitude that will get us out of being one of the impoverished nations in the world.

To H, I’m really sorry if you think I’ve been selfish but there are things in this world that need to be taught and be realized. There are things that need a different attention rather than just directly giving them what they think they lack. Many of these people take advantage of the term “mahirap ako eh”. Being mahirap doesn’t mean you’re hopeless. Being mahirap doesn’t mean you can always just make kalabit to people and say “PENGE”.

Araguuyy…

If you’ve ever had an ingrown toenail that got infected, you know how painful I’m feeling now. Some people are more prone to having ingrown nails than others and it can become quite a problem. I already had 2 operations because of this. Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot that can be done for this other than actually removing the nail.

I had this problem on the big toe of both feet. In one urgent care clinic, the doctor tried to remove part of the toenail on one foot and the whole experience was horrendously painful - and unsuccessful. After some incompetent treatment, I finally got to see a podiatrist who removed both toe’s nails and has never had a problem since.

When the nail is removed, some podiatrists and surgeons remove only part of it, the part that edges along each side and part of the matrix [root], while others remove the whole nail and root. The problem with removing the whole nail and root is that the toe bed no longer has the nail for protection.

The most painful part? Anaesthesia wears off even before the whole process is finished. Geee, I can’t imagine the pain I have to go through again. I hope it won’t be that bad. Please don’t. Huhuhu.

I still have 2 kulanis [lymph gland] sa singit to think of. Talking about pain. Huhuhu.

I had a WTF moment earlier. It was a dreary Monday. Everything just went wrong. I thought I’ll be spared from the venom, in a surprising instant, the proverbial chair was pulled out from under me. So I decided I need a t-shirt that says “WHAT THE FUCK” and a cute zip up hoodie to go over it. Then when I have these moments, I could just unzip the hoodie, exposing the shirt and appropriate sentiment. I often wish I could create such moments for myself at time when someone completely confuses me [happening a bit too frequently lately]. I would just unzip, sentiment expressed, and situation dealt with. Because, seriously, what the fuck.

That’s you Evette! Laglag Queen! I love you!

I’ve been itching to write, but a wonderful internet glitch has kept me away from accessing my site to update it…or to even just view it. But I’m here again.

Well, now I’m in information-overload mode and don’t know what to say.

1) My sleep schedule is horrific. I’m desperately trying to get myself back on track. It isn’t easy.

2) I’m eagerly waiting for the arrival of November 15. The time when everything’s gonna be over. With that, I meant everything bad, and that may include some people.

3) I have a big decision to make. I need to decide if I’ll be moving in with H or just let him leave me because we can’t be together. We’re supposed to have a vacation too. I think I need it. Badly.

4) My 10-year reunion is coming up. That’s depressing. It makes me feel really, really old. I’m too hip and cute to feel really old.

5) I watched Heroes last night. I don’t know. I LOVE this series, but right now, things seem so disjointed, I’m just not sure what to think.

6) I’ve developed new music obsessions. This is dangerous. It means I have to listen to each song over and over again until I know all the lyrics. Now I just need a mic.

7) Some things in my life really don’t make sense. Confusion is an interesting addiction. I’d rather be a bit confused and content than sure of something and not.

I like lists. I make them all the time. I like checking things off, getting this done. Sadly, my to-do list right now is WAY too long. I don’t feel like I’m ever in control.

9) I want a Kitchen-Aid mixer so I can make a Bailey’s ice cream and pair it with some delicious chocolate cake thing. That means I’ll have to invite people over to share with me.

10) And to conclude, I am about to confront a good friend who’s been trying to take away my boyfriend. Why can’t you just be happy for me? You think I wouldn’t know?

Over the last few days I realized how many things in my day-to-day life are habits. I think we create habits to help us feel safe: we take the same route to work; we shampoo, condition, and wash in the shower in the same order every day; we check certain websites with an eerie regularity. It’s harder to break some habits than others and we find that stepping out of our comfort zone in extreme ways may cause us great anxiety. All the more reason to push ourselves to do away with such habits. I could easily make a long list of those I want to break and ones I want to create. Some habits I have decided to give up and replace with new ones. Actually, I think I’m developing a new habit. I’m a bit scared by it, and I had initially decided it was probably one I shouldn’t adopt so quickly. But sometimes, you need new habits to replace old ones. And other times, you realize that a habit is good for you.

For the next few days I’ll be assessing myself and jot down these habits. Another post will be created for this. Maybe you can also create yours?

As I was checking all my messages and new pictures my Boss posted, I received an email -

“I just had a knock down with my boss. Not sure what what will happen.”

After reading the e-mail from my friend, I immediately picked up my cell phone and punched in his number.
I completely disregarded the pleasantries: “What the heck happened?” I asked.
“I lost my patience,” she replied.

That made me laugh, since she has the patience of a saint. This is a woman who takes care of her aging mother, her aging husband and everyone else around her, including people not related by blood.
It took little coaxing to get the full story.

Her supervisor gave her a task, she made the assignment to a staff member and apparently it did not meet her supervisor’s standards. So she was sent an e-mail, badly worded and ill-timed, to share the displeasure.
At a time when workers in almost every industry are being asked to do more with less, this seems like a less than effective way to manage — much less lead — a company. But this is pretty routine for her boss.
My friend has had the same boss with the same “tone” for years. And I’d been listening to her complaints about it since she took the job.

So I asked again, “Really, what the heck happened?”

Long story short, after dealing with a manpower shortage, equipment failures and a series of personnel issues in her small department, my normally quiet, hyper-responsible friend decided to call her boss on the “tone” issue — and more.

The behind-closed-doors conversation degenerated from bad to worse, ending with both of them angrier than they started.

I must admit I was sympathetic, having had my own run-ins with that personality type before. You know the kind I’m talking about. In an article I’ve read, the author called them “naysayers”, because they find fault in everything you do. There was this insecure superior before who would make stories, do everything he could to stop my growth [promotion] or even simple endorsements so that I’ll have better position in the company. I don’t what was his problem. Di naman daw siya bading, or because burog burog mukha niya, or because feeling niya mas magaling kasi siya sa graphics or what? I really don’t know. He’s got what he deserved naman. Na-karma?

They’re like speeding trains careening wildly through the room waiting for something — or someone — to run over with their negativity. The words, “Thank you”, don’t exist in their vocabulary, because then they’d have to admit your work was valuable.And that just wouldn’t do.

But I still didn’t understand: “Why now?” I asked.
“I’ve just had enough,” she replied.

I didn’t know what else to say. She has a point, and apparently she’d reached it. And, having listened to her over the years, it made me wonder why it had taken so long.

I mean, in the workplace when you’re being shot down routinely by negativity, at what point do you say, “Enough is enough?”

Good thing I sooo love my Boss that I couldn’t even think of reasons to complain.