ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

Saludo ako sa’yo Kabayan. inspirasyon ka ng Musikang Pilipino. Paalam.

As I was packing my things earlier in preparation for my Coron Trip tomorrow, my sister in law arrived. I couldn’t describe her face. I asked her what happened but she can’t talk and was already tearful. I decided not to push for it first and let her settle. After a while, I asked here again the same question. “Kuya nalaman nila na nanganak na ako nung nagpamedical ako, di na ako pinagpatuloy sa work ko, kasi naman ako eh” and then she cried with full of disappointment, anger and pity. I tried to calm her and told her that it’s just okay, there’ll be more opportunities for her. She had a miscarriage early this year. She’s having a hard time getting a job because she’s undergraduate and too young. One thing also is that she just came from the province and so lacks self esteem or confidence. I really felt bad because my brother [her husband who is in the province] didn’t show support and asked her to go back home instead. I was already tearful when my brother called, I took the phone and scolded him with no end. Long story short, I took charge.

On my way to work, I started contemplating.

Sometimes when we try really hard to accomplish something or to make something work, and it doesn’t in the end, we put the blame on ourselves when we shouldn’t.

One of the hard parts of life is the fact that we cannot predict the future. Sure, it would be nice to know that we end up happy and successful, but there is no looking glass that can show us this.

So what do we do? We try. We have goals and dreams and other completely random things that we want to accomplish. And sometimes these things work out the way that we plan, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we fail, and other times we make really big mistakes.

But guess what? You’re mortal. Just like you can’t see into the future, you can’t stop yourself from having a few mishaps every now and then.

When people make mistakes or when something doesn’t turn out like they’ve been hoping, it’s easy to wonder, “What did I do wrong?” Now, if you know, for certain, that you’re the one to blame, that’s acceptable. But if things pan out in a way that you really couldn’t control, don’t jump to blaming yourself because more than likely, it’s not your fault. When you have genuinely tried to achieve some sort of goal, whatever it may be, and it doesn’t work out for a reason that is beyond your control, you shouldn’t automatically assume that you’ve done something wrong. Be glad that you tried, that you put yourself out there, or even that you made the effort to do something that’s either difficult or out of the norm for you.

People put the blame on themselves when things go sour too often. If things haven’t gone your way recently, for whatever reason, don’t try and hurt yourself more by blaming yourself. Learn from your experiences, and never stop trying. Because, although I may not be psychic, I can predict that there are going to be many, many triumphs in your life.

To my sister in law, don’t worry too much. You’re a part of the family now. You don’t actually have to work. Just like what we told you, we can send you to school but since you decided to be “mature and responsible”- as you put it, be brave and always ask His guidance. We love you!

Who are you really? Is it how I see you now? I’ve heard it in movies, and I’m sure it’s based on real life: Why can’t you love me for who I am? or You don’t really love me for me.

Who is me? Who are we as people? Let me give you an example. Let’s say I’m single and really into work mode phase. I’m digging everything about my job, the people, the schedule the works. I also happen to be pre-occupied by my office friends this time and I’m not even thinking of having someone to be called my “love” now. I start dating someone who says he can’t date me because I can’t give him time and it’s all about my friends and family for me and that I am a pessimistic fool when it comes to meeting prospects. Very likely, I would throw back those hackneyed Hollywood lines at him: “You don’t really love me for who I am!”

I’d probably have a point, but is that who I really am? What if it all was just a phase? What if I realized that you’re worth my attention and consider getting serious? What if you have proven that you’re worth being my “one”? Would it matter to me that much? Would it matter to you?

The truth is that we all change. We are different things at different times. We all go through phases. Some of those phases, even if they’re phases we regret, still feel a part of us years or decades later. I used to love G.I. Joe as a kid. Don’t really care that much for those war toys now. If someone said she hated war toys, would I take offense? I’m not sure. I do feel in some vague way as if those war toys were part of my growing up process, but I’m also not that attached to them. I used to think that I can never be friends with straight guys but I have them now.

So do people have to put up with our current phases in order to really love us “for who we really are”? What makes us us? What exactly are they loving? The fact that we can change? The fact that we go through phases? Sticking by through thick and thin, smart and stupid? And if so, isn’t it pretty arbitrary whom you love? Couldn’t you love anyone romantically?

I don’t have any simple answers for this. Of course, on one level, yes, you could love just about anyone romantically if you were open-minded enough about it. A lot of arranged marriages are successful because the arrange couple has low expectations and realizes they’ve grown to appreciate each other over the years. At the same time, I’m not going to fall in love with Stalin or Pinochet in the hopes that mass slaughter and torture will be just a phase I will embrace later as being formative in creating a wonderful person later.

It’s complicated. You are what you do. But sometimes you aren’t.

As most were getting ready to run out the door for work every morning, noticing the sun streaming through the windows and the light reflecting off dew on the trees, our “kind” will just be off for home. That is what we are, nocturnal creatures. But last Friday, our group decided to wait for the mall to open and buy our beach stuffs for our Palawan escapade this coming Saturday. Everybody’s really excited and in high spirit. We had coffee at Breton, took so many pictures, laughed our hearts out, teased and pestered the creatures around us.

It was a tiring day but a happy one first.

Birthday Blessings
Joanna Fuchs

Instead of counting candles,
Or tallying the years,
Contemplate your blessings,
As your birthday nears.

Consider special people
Who love you, and who care,
And others who’ve enriched your life
Just by being there.

Think about the memories
Passing years can never mar,
Experiences great and small
That have made you who you are.

Another year is a happy gift,
So cut your cake, and say,
“Instead of counting birthdays,
I count blessings every day!”