ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

I’m a really touchy person. Maybe because Mama brought us up to be sweet and loving. I can still remember when we were young, Mama will always be there to hug us and comfort us through the night. When someone is sick, she will always make you feel better by her hugs and kisses of comfort. We call it Mother’s touch. Valentines Day is coming and I’m sure there’ll be a lot of huggings and kissings that will be happening. What will happen next for some will be another story [pun intended], am I gonna have one? A hug can speak a thousand words. I woke up to the medical effects of hugging after a little nudge from a friend. With the Heart’s Day coming up, I read up on it myself. I realized that it was actually true that a hug can make you feel healthier and there is a marked positive change in the mental state of a person who has hugged or who has been hugged. There were a lot of studies on how babies need to be hugged and the amount of hugs they get shape their personalities.

And that’s not it, hugs are really useful and healthy! For instance, a hug can stabilize your blood pressure, even if for a short period of time. It can reduce stress and bring you out of your depression. But most importantly, it can do wonders for you when you want to show that you care and you are concerned. Especially a friend who is going through a tough phase in her life.

Hmmm… now I feel so blessed that even though Mama is far away, I have good office friends whom I can always share my love with. I love you Gay, Zelot, Almsie, Kelly, Nina, Abi, Evette, Abhi, Ron, Carol, Liz, Lanie, Gen and Ed [this one I can't hug, nobody dares].

Seven more days and the town will be painted red again. As Valentine’s Day comes close, some of you could be in a sort of dilemma like some people I know. It’s nothing abnormal or uncommon, rather it’s something that can happen to anyone of you. Okay, to cut the long story short, I’m talking about falling in love with a friend. A guy friend started off his equation with a lady friend as a friend, but now he wants that to bloom into love. But he’s unsure of how he will approach and while he gathers enough steam to go up and tell her about his feelings, he wants to keep things under wraps. He doesn’t want his face or words to betray his emotions. He’s worried about causing hurt to her by making unreasonable and unjustified demands on her time. And I think, he’s right here.

There are sometimes when such things happen. Why, just a few weeks back I asked H out! That was a wrong step that I took. I don’t want any of you to hasten things up in these cases because once the good rapport is somehow hampered, it requires a lot of effort to get that spontaneous friendship again. If you guys are in a similar knot, I’d suggest you to take it easy and be as normal as you can. If you find it difficult to contain your feelings, discuss it with your friend frankly, making it clear at the same time that your feelings are entirely yours and you have no intention of making it an extra baggage to your friendship.

This takes the pressure off your friend who’s confused by your confession. Then you can talk it out like two mature people. Try to understand your friend. You wouldn’t want to hurt your friend by trying to prove you are right. Let this discussion not affect the friendship and whatever you do, stay away from emotional blackmail or corny lines! They only make you look like a person who believes in the grab-and-snatch method. Maintain dignity at all costs and who knows, your maturity in handling this might as well get you your love!

Hmmm… now I’m thinking. Should I go out with that Maysilo guy friend who has been asking me out for a movie date later? I already told Abhi about it and I know whe would always want me to be happy. Hmmm… lemme think things over.

Not wanting to feel the sadness of being away from my friends [Kiko, Ralf and Jc] I decided to join Z on a photoshoot. It was from the group Konzepto. I really enjoyed it and would really love to join them again.

My mind’s not working good with words now so let these behind-the-scene-pictures do the talking.

All my thanks to Z and Konzepto people.

I grew up to be a little bit on the opinionated side, and for the past years I have been writing my own thoughts here, so you can bet I have heard and participated in a lot of debates about whether it is right and/or effective to evangelize to gain more “converts” or not.

The evangelism [for religion, relationships, personal musings or anything else] usually comes from good intentions. Although sometimes it can feel to the person being evangelized to that the intention is more “I’m right, and you’re wrong, and you’d better see things my way”; the intention is usually more, “I didn’t realize what I was missing until I saw this, so I want you to see it too.”

I have an entry here which gained attention from somebody who has comprehension problems. I wrote about “longka/longkatuts/house helpers” and how I see them and how I think they should be treated. My intention is to give my gratitude and to suggest how WE can improve our relationship with them. But this certain person who obviously cannot understand what I really intend to say took it the other way around. I don’t know if she’s a “longka” or just somebody who happens to have so little brain to understand what I really meant. I really feel bad for her. I can’t understand her argument but I’m still giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I was an argumentative child and adolescent, and even though I thought I had some pretty good arguments, logic, and examples, there were few arguments I ever won or lost. Pretty soon I realized that arguments for the purposes of convincing someone to adopt a new outlook or change her mind are a waste of time. Arguments as intellectual exercises or fun pastimes are fine. And you can sometimes bully someone into giving up fighting you, but you haven’t really changed her mind. You’ve just intimidated her.

So if you’re someone who truly thinks “I didn’t realize what I was missing until I had this” instead of “Haha! I’m right and you’re wrong”; think about the last time you changed your mind on an issue or decided to try something new. What was the impetus for that change? Was it someone arguing with you? How did you start seeing things in a different way or open yourself up to trying a new product or lifestyle?

For me [I won’t even try to speak for anyone else] — whether it was my outlooks on race and gender, my choice of handling a relationship, or my beliefs in life — any time I opened myself up to something new or changed my mind, it had nothing to do with getting into arguments with people. In fact, when folks argued with me, I tended to cling more strongly to the familiar than to open myself up to something new.

I change my mind or embrace something new when I come to it instead of it coming to me. I need the resources to come to, of course, but I need to come to those resources. I don’t want someone knocking on my door trying to sell me something. I don’t want a friend pestering me to switch to something or to change my mind about something. I do want, however, many books and websites available on the topic. I want the pros and cons clearly laid out in as unbiased a fashion as is humanly possible.

Thus, in the spirit of the golden rule, I’m going to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I will write my opinions and leave them here as a resource. If you disagree with me, I don’t want to get into a futile argument with you. You can lay out your own opinions, and I will read them when I am free to read them. You can also read my opinions when you’re free to read them.

I’m being stupid again. Last night H texted me “Where have you been? saw you came out of the lift earlier. Who’s in GA?” Weird as it may sound but I felt good when I received that. Knowing our current status, I couldn’t help but to still feel the kilig. We’ve been into a relationship but failed to stay committed and so we chose to separate ways. Now I’m single and somehow enjoying it. One great thing about being single is not having to worry about all the relationship questions couples have to worry about. All of those restrictions of freedom, the constant compromise, the worries about trust — singles don’t have those issues. More to the point our issues are different like, “I just got invited to so and so’s party, and I need a date. Hum…” There are so many advantages to being single but some things can be inconvenient. Namely the worse being, as I stated in an earlier post, is who to trust with your loins!

But what happens when it seems that you may be getting involved again? I don’t necessarily believe that my discovery of “the new relationship” is a direct result of bitterness. Maybe at first [I will readily admit!] but that is not what it has evolved into. I will say that because of the repeat offenders to my reluctantly trusting heart, I have continued to be gun-shy. When someone comes along –again– wanting to be in my life, I am apprehensive. The difference now is that I’ve realized that I’m fine alone, which only pushes me to risk a potential relationship again. Because of my “single being the new relationship” discovery, I hope to handle things if they don’t go my way, which wasn’t always the case before.

Just because I know that life is simpler being alone, I’m not going to lie to you all and say single for life is something I want. Single being the new relationship is about being OK with oneness. So much so that when a relationship pops up, you are ready to be alone again if things go wrong. That may not seem very romantic or optimistic, but if you dissect the idea, it really is. The optimism is looking forward to getting back to YOU if/when relationships don’t work out. Too many times I’ve let myself cry in a pillow. You can cry. But stop after a day or so. Understanding single has so many benefits can guard you from pain later. And if you have the attitude of not making that person in your life the solution to anything and see he or she as an asset to your life instead of a completion, I believe the trust and relationship can be stronger.

While having our regular yosi break with Z earlier, the usual kuwentuhan lead us to so many issues but the last thing that I still remember is when I said “I’m not ready for another serious relationship again” which is of course true. I can’t see myself being stupidly in love again.

That said taking the risk of coupledom is feasible, prepared and overall better because you know that you were a whole person before the opportunity of relationships comes knocking.

By the way, here’s my number +639277****** hahahahaha.

A couple of heavyweight bloggers recently had their knuckles rapped over subpar grammar skills. The debate, predictably, turned to, “If people understand what’s being communicated, why does it matter?” I don’t get this person’s argument.

Of course, I march with the grammar goon squad on this one. Casual conversation doesn’t requite good grammar, true, but writing for a mass audience does. [Copy editors sometimes have to silence their overzealous deskmates with, "Edit copy, not speech!" Even the correctors need a break from correction.] I am not a perfect grammarian myself but at least I know the simple ones. I also submit my entries to people to at least help me correct it.

Puny grammar always makes the writer look bad. If a blogger doles out information that’s desperately needed, it’s a lot easier to be forgiving. But when his or her readers have other choices, the smart ones will wander off.

I can sympathize. I slept through grammar in grade school, even in high school and then wrote for a half dozen years using D-student grammar and sloppy spelling. I got away with it because of my “friend” editors, who wielded mighty pencils. But please don’t try to humiliate somebody about wrong grammar while your simple statements can’t even differentiate a verb from a noun.