ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

Naka - relate ako dito so I tried posting this...

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university Professor.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the Prof. went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups : porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the Prof. said "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. That all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups."

So friend, don't let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.

Now I'm missing Nates, Rain, Emman, Au, Car, Bitoy, Gene, Ikoy, Roan and the rest of the gang.

Earlier this day, before Ate Buntis went out to make ninang to a friend's baby, we were chatting about funny moments and stuffs. We then came to a certain topic - "love letters".

While still in the province, I have this bitchy attitude of reading my pinsan's love letters. Tawang-tawa siyempre ako because they have this pattern that goes like...

"Una'y ngiti, pangalawa'y pagbati, pangatlo'y pangangamusta at sariwang alala.. " - as introduction. It felt so weird and hilarious. One more funny thing, even Inggrid knows this... *ha ha ha... I thought sa Occidental Mindoro lang, meron din pala sa Oriental. Phenomenal pala!

Go lover boys!

Then came the question...

How do we define smart and sweet love letter?

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a love letter from a boy to a girl.... However,the girl's father does not like him and wants them stop their relationship... and so... the boy wrote this letter to the girl. He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter first...

1 "The great love that I have for you

2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you

3 grows every day. When I see you,

4 I do not even like your face;

5 the one thing that I want to do is to

6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation

8 was very boring and has not

9 made me look forward to seeing you again.

10 You think only of yourself.

11 If we were married, I know that I would find

12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

14 to give, but it is not something that

15 I want to give to you. No one is more

16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that

19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

20 if you think this is the end. Do not try

21 to answer this. Your letters are full of

22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that

25 I am still your boyfriend.

"So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13 [Odd No.]

So... please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet.

Whispers
by Liza Marie

As I lie here in your sleeping arms

No words spoken

No sound made

Just lying here with you says enough

With your arms around me

Your breath whispering across my face

So warm

Yet so cooling

Your comfort and

Your love surround me

You mean so much to me

I've never felt love so strong

I love looking into your heavenly eyes

But not as much as

I love to gaze upon your angelic face

It fills me up inside

With emotions too great to express

I want to give you my all

Everything I have inside

How can I prove my love to you

Words just aren't enough

You're what I've been waiting for

I've been lonely for so long

But when I'm with you

I know in my heart; my soul, it was worth the wait

The stillness breaks

Your body awakes

You turn over towards me

Your eyes open

They look into mine

They make me glad to be alive

To breathe the same air as you

To touch you

Your soft lips meet mine

They whisper words

I could live forever in"I love you"

My heart melts

I return your kiss

And the words you speak

I return your love

And all that you've given to me

I love you, my sleeping baby.

A friend of mine is missing, he suddenly disappeared, the only trace he left behind were the numerous laughs he shared with us, his words, and a farewell text before he was gone. In the meanwhile, I'm home, didn't report to work last night because of the bagyo.

In solemnity, I asked this: How lives can be so limited to the individual that's leading them...

We miss you, Nates. Let's get drunk,　just one more time, please. Come back and I'll buy you a drink. Come back and let's talk.

After almost ___ months of absence, this post is almost like a visit to the attic, or a peek at old pictures of times long gone. Alienation, recognition, curiosity, nostalgia,.. are a few of the nouns that come to mind: building blocks for a customized sentence yearning to be formed in your head.

Whatever the sentence, whatever its syntax, its meaning will undoubtedly be true. Here I am, on my nth relationship, fulfilled with the very human and therefore somewhat cute belief that this day marks the beginning of a new phase in life. Although in reality this day is no different than yesterday or tomorrow, I cling to this institutionalised momentum to convince myself of its truthfulness. And while these words and thoughts are almost martially forced onto my current state of mind, I feel their power gradually building up inside me. They march through my veins, fill me with energy. Believing = wanting to believe. Aaaah, the good old battle between reality and idealism. It most definitely is one of my life's themes.

On a sidenote: I've always been inlove with the thought of loving, just thats I can't live it.

I'm back!

What can I say?
I just felt it...

You know how on Grey's, they call Bailey "The Nazi" behind her back? [And just an aside here, but how great was Chandra Wilson's acceptance speech at the SAG awards? It actually made me tear up a little!]

Don't you sort of feel like the term "Nazi" has started to take on a different meaning altogether? Like, we'll call anybody who's anal, uptight and blunt and harsh-sounding a "Nazi"...which I think is really stupid.And why is it that, if you're super organized and meticulous and detailed, you get called "anal"? Like it's a negative thing.

You know what I really hate?

I hear myself saying things like, "Yeah, I'm a little anal" in a self-deprecating way, as if admitting it upfront makes it seem less bad. Why do I even think it's bad in the first place? I like the fact that I'm organized and thorough and meticulous and on top of things. I think of it as stepping up when so many people like to fall back and defer to others, instead of having an opinion, voicing their opinion, and just getting their act together.

It's all just so stupid.

Good thing Roan and I got hooked sa Grey's Anatomy na yan.

So, I'm reading a friend of a friend's blog --- he wrote it down for me and asked me to check it out --- and I'm shaking my head and going,

"Oh, no...."

I guess because you have no idea how I sound, you might not hear the groan, the sarcasm, the are-you-kidding-me? intonation injected into the "Oh, no..."

I know I keep saying this, but, man, that Beatles song, "Eleanor Rigby" with the haunting refrain, "All the lonely people...where do they all come from?" floats into my head every now and again. My life is just one endless soundtrack...there's a song for every moment, every day, every person, every experience. It's raining outside and it's one of those grey days where it'd be easy to sink further into a deep depression. But you know what? I feel okay today. I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm listening to Shakira's whatever, whenever, shit ever *hehehe and lying on the couch, reading and feeling kinda sick. That's the story of my life, isn't it? I'm always feeling "sick"... though, if I were to probe a little further, I'd admit that it's more of this weird feeling at the pit of my stomach... like the sense that something's about to happen.

I don't put much stock in it anymore 'cause I always seem to feel like this, you know? Like something's always on the verge of happening... and I'm there, just waiting and waiting... and then nothing happens. A friend of mine texted me this morning. She finally broke up with her boyfriend --- the crazy, stalker psychopath guy. Let's see if she'll be able to make it stick this time around.

Sometimes, I think we've come to this stage in life where... after being single for a long time and then finding someone, we get scared of going back to being single... and it's easier to be with someone you don't quite love simply because it feels like it's better to be with someone than no one at all.

Sometimes, it's like you can actually feel your brain rotting.

Or maybe it's just me.

Okay, definitely just me.

Let's not go down that oh-so-familiar road of why I feel like my brain's rotting --- because, when I complain about it, I invariably get a comment berating me about how I seem to just sit on my ass and do nothing but bitch and moan. [And whenever I get comments like that, I always think, "Hold up. How do you know I've just been sitting on my ass, doing nothing but bitching and moaning? There's a whole bunch of other shit that I don't bother writing about down here...so just fuck off. Who asked you to read this anyway?])As some of you might have been able to suss out, I keep more than one blog. Usually, there'll be at least one news item for the day that just pisses me off. [Yes. That required italics just to emphasize the level of disgust and pissed off-ness that certain things inspire in me.]

So, yesterday, I discussed [oh-so-briefly] "worms and my own rainbow".

See, I'm not pathetis, but I believe in appreciating little things. [Okay, hold up. Digressing a bit here... what is up with this woman? There's a woman at work who seems incapable of going anywhere by herself. Like, not even to the washroom by herself. She'll come around and gather up one or two of her buddies to accompany her to the washroom or to go get water from the servery. What's up with that?] And there are these people na wala ng alam ibuka ang bibig kung hindi palibre... I mean, come on... nanglalamang ka na. Mahiya ka naman. Anyway, back to the worm-slash-rainbow thing...yeah, so, my thinking is this: I don't really care what everybody else believes in. Whatever gets you through the day, right? But then someone comes along and is all like, "That statement doesn't make any sense."Whatever. Maybe I should stick to bitching about little things... like how I think women who wear fake finger nails and who dye their hair are just tacky.

I got home early today. Took a cab home with Vannie and Allan. Braved the "kasungitan ng bagyo at ni Manong Driver na ayaw kami ihatid pauwi". What a morning to start everybodyss day, while we try to get a sleep. Whew! hirap talaga graveyard shift no?

I need to buy something so while on my morning walk, down the strip of road that led to a dead end. This even-steven road with no tricky twists and turns came after two uphill climbs and a downhill run in between, so this is where I had like a resting-strut before a final climb and a final downhill run after which I headed back home

On this road, just before I turned right at the corner, the sprinklers came off and I saw my rainbow. Well it wasn't really a rainbow. It was an arch of colors caught in the prism between the water and the sunlight. Nobody else could see it because it was just at that spot and I was the only one there at that exact minute. So I claimed it as mine. I watched it a while, wondering if I'd catch it on film.After a few minutes, I went on my way. Now, down this road too, the pavement would often be littered with the curled-up, stiff bodies of little earthworms. The sight of these things didn't really bother me, I didn't find them icky at all. But this morning, for the first time since I started taking these morning walks, I saw one little worm crawling towards me. I stopped and squatted to watch it for a while, I would even have petted it if I didn't abhor slime. Yup, definitely a non-dead, non-curled-up, non-stiff, crawling little worm.I'd say... the world has come alive for me today.

After a long hiatus, I am itching to start writing again. I have a lot to say about some exciting prospects I'm seeing [*duh], some exciting projects I'm seeing [and working on], some pains I'm coming across in the space [and my thoughts to solutions], and finally some really exciting new announcements.

Stay tuned!

Found some old high school pics when I stumbled upon my high school batch’s group site… Boy, the memories just started flowing…!

Thought I’d share them with you guys… see if you can find me in the images… hahaha! You can probably see me sporting an eighties hairstyle and that oh so mangyan look on one of them… aarrrgghh!

It’s been about __ days since I made my last blog post. A lot has happened since then. The past few days has had its share of unfortunate events… and timely revelations. Yet I find no comfort in the fact that these revelations have ultimately helped me realize what I know now, but which I have been blinded to for the longest time.

Everything you gain in life, be it knowledge… experience… or wisdom has a cost. A price to pay. Some even come at an expense much higher than others.

I value my relationships… relationships strengthened by trust through the course of time. Friendships … and I mean “true” friendships in particular are the ones hardest to come by. You may sometimes want to make yourself believe that most bonds are “keepers”. But such is not the case as I’ve learned the hard way.

It seems that when you think you’ve figured out the formula to being able to recognize a true and honest friendship, you suddenly fall flat on your face… and hit a dead end. Back to square one, Al!

I’d rather that someone come up to my face and tell me whatever he or she feels rather than avoid the confrontation and invite the confusion of hearsay. But more than anything else… it is most painful when a friend of so many years… a very trusted friend… one whom you’ve considered to be more like family… and someone whom you’ve helped out more than once in every capacity possible, deceives you… betrays you and backbites you just to save his/her skin.

As you can tell by going through this post, I am shooting at all directions… wandering aimlessly… going nowhere. That’s exactly where I am right now… nowhere… lost. Lost to the fact that someone can actually be so true and so false at the same time.

Ahh… such is life and all its twists and turns. How can such things can still hurt you while it's been years already?

As for you, my “two-faced, double-tongued” so-called friend for so many years… it was good knowing you then. I have found solace… knowing now what I didn’t know then… the “real you”.
I believe there’s a lesson to be learned here somewhere… I just know it. Maybe I’m just too hurt right now to be able to figure it out.

Maybe in time…

…in time.