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> anG spoiLed
Author: aLmich
Yesterday, in the parenting section of a local magazine, I read this short article simply entitled “Spoiling” with a teaser, “Do you find yourself giving in to your child’s demands for toys or treats? Could your kids be spoiled?”
I was immediately drawn to it as I was “naughtily” teaching my nephew the Ogie Alcasid’s “you’re such a loser Yaya… however, however..” line. I don’t intend to really make him an annoying brat. I’m just making fun of him since he responds greatly to whatever he’s hearing now.
I remember when people said my parents spoiled me when I was young. I always associated this comment with meaning that they gave me too much, and sometimes when my life’s in the deep end of the ocean, I wonder whether that’s true. Is it possible that I believed I should have everything and everything should come easily to me? No, I didn’t think that, and if I did, the world quickly schooled me otherwise.
However, this subject of spoiling children by giving them too many material possessions and letting them “have their way” seems to come up increasingly in conversation and in media. We probably all know children who have the latest video game consoles, more toys than the nearest daycare center, more clothes than they can possibly wear, and who clearly understand that throwing a royal tantrum wins whatever they wish. Sometimes these children may belong to us.
How do we determine what spoiling means? I think what we’re really saying when we say a child is spoiled is the child lacks discipline that we believe should have been instilled by the parent. However, I also think some parents are so fearful that they will raised a spoiled brat that they go overboard with denying their children enriching experiences and other pleasures.
Further research gave me Karen at Pinoy Mom Network called “Ways to Make A Spoiled Brat.” At Karen’s personal blog she has a list of ways to produce at rotten child, one of which is “Be Inconsistent” about discipline.
Bribe them, buy their love. In our society where both parents are often working, we are constantly beset with guilt: guilt that we often leave our children to caregivers or grandparents, guilt that we are not there to witness their milestones in life, guilt that there are times when we are not there for them. So how do we compensate? We shower them with expensive gifts, treat them to any toy of their choice, we give in to just about anything they ask for, after all we owe them. Here’s a newsflash, kids are extremely intelligent creatures, believe me they will catch up on what you’re doing. They will try to stir every situation to their advantage, they know that mommy and daddy will eventually give in.
Ignore the work that they’ve done. Not letting the kids know that you appreciate the extra effort they made to make their beds or bring the dishes to the sink will surely nurture the little brat in them. After all, whether they do good today or just slack off, it will all be the same with mommy and daddy. Slacking is much easier.
Be a bad example. How do we act in front of our kids? Do we also act hard to please and demanding? Do we give more importance to the monetary value of the gifts we receive, rather than the thoughtfulness of the giver? Do we constantly berate our household help for the littlest things? Perfect!
Be inconsistent. When trying to discipline our children, we often unleash a torrent of threats: don’t watch tv on a school night or you’ll be grounded for a week; if you hit your sister one more time I will not give you any cookies; if you don’t pass all your subjects this quarter you won’t be allowed to leave the house forever! And when the set rules are not met, we don’t follow through on our threats. Again, kids are really intelligent, after a while they realize that by saying that they are really, really, really, really, really sorry [plus a sad puppy look to boot], you eventually let them off the hook.
By the way, pictures here are of my pamangkin. Do you see him being that bratty? You’re such a loser yaya. Whatever, however, eeewwww…
