This Blog is an outlet for the random thoughts of an amateur opinionator.
What's an opinionator?
An opinionator is somebody who has power without responsibility, and the ability to spout off on any subject without worrying too much about the consequences of what comes out of the mouth. All you need is an opinion and the opportunity to voice it.
TV is full of professional opinionators. The internet gives the amateur his chance.
> to bE or noT to bE?
Author: aLmich
[Wikipedia] : Confusion, of a pathological degree, usually refers to loss of orientation [ability to place oneself correctly in the world by time, location, and personal identity] and often memory [ability to correctly recall previous events or learn new material]. Confusion as such is not synonymous with inability to focus attention, although severe inability to focus attention can cause, or greatly contribute to, confusion. Together, confusion and inability to focus attention [both of which affect judgment] are the twin symptoms of a loss or lack of normal brain function [mentation].
After all my efforts with actually trying to land a mate, wouldn’t it just be such a shame for me to lose an opportunity because I’m afraid to trust the motives of someone interested? That’s where I am today.
I have no idea how to fall into something with possibilities and just, well, BE. I seem to find myself wondering, second-guessing, and anticipating the shoe to drop. Depending on your beliefs, we technically only have one physical life. I don’t want to live it never trusting again.
It really isn’t the bitterness of past failed serious relationships that is my problem anymore. There was most assuredly a time when I didn’t necessarily hate it, but more to the point — I tried very hard to keep a thinly veiled guard up. I was always waiting for when they would hurt me. For a time I just stopped believing.
Now the issue here is trusting if whether or not advances, interests and their attention are genuine. I believe it’s an enormous waste of effort, time and yes, even money, if in the end I sabotage things before they have begun! I don’t fear commitment for what it implies. I just fear the possibility of a let-down. More to the point — a devastation. Jumping in with both feet and eyes semi-closed is new to me. I think the ME, that ME in his younger years, was quite good at that. Too good. And now that he has reached nearly a maturing age, putting his big toe in the water is how he would rather start.
So what’s bothering me now is the question - should I or shouldn’t I? I already started being sweet and all too accomodating to him but at the back of my head, I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing or just letting myself be prone to pains and hardships again.
However why is it that I’ve dived in full on, but can’t mentally get past dipping my big toe in the uncharted waters of an actual possibility?
Anyway, I’ll just wait and see. Yeah, wait and see.
