ramblings, random musings, fascinations, rants, raves and revelations

I always find it awkward to ask for the small amount of change [read: 50 centavos-5 pesos] in jeepneys or buses. If it’s been 20 minutes since I handed the

driver the fare. There something in me that says that I should let the driver “keep the change”. However, is the driver worth it?

Dishonest drivers are all around the metro. One of the most common would be the kunwari-di-alam-ang-lugar-iikot-ng-iikot-para-dagdag-metro taxi drivers. If they sense that you don’t know much about the place you’re heading to, then they’ll take shorcuts and alternate routes which, aside from additional pay, takes time. I’ve been there when I was too scared a cat to reprimand a driver to take a certain route which I’m more familiar with. Under normal traffic condition, the normal P150 ride from this place to that would now amount to P180 or more.

Overpricing FX/jeepney drivers would be another common headache. Just like yesterday, I rode the FX at St. Francis Square to Pureza Sta. Mesa and that should cost P25, flat. I gave the driver a 50 peso bill and he gave me 20 saying he’ll give the 5 later. Since I am on a total cost cutting, I needed the change. I was expecting that he would give me the P5 before we I had to unload his vehicle but, sadly, he didn’t. I just had to let it go since I was really tired to argue any longer. It wasn’t the first time I experienced that, though.

In jeepneys, they would often not give the change until you asked it. They would not give you the student discount until you tell them you’re a student. Our change should be given right away; we don’t have to ask for it. Sometimes, it happens that they would not give your change still after so many times you’ve asked for it and until by the time you unload, you’ve already forgotten about it.

Did you know that it’s your right not to pay drivers if you weren’t able to sit comfortably in public transportation? Yet, drivers would try and squeeze your fat ass to a space as big as your pointing finger to earn more. One fourth of your ass enjoys the ride but you pay the normal fare.

Although, we can’t blame our drivers for wanting more. With the surmounting amount of diesel in the market, it can’t be possible that what they earn in a day is enough for their family. However, it doesn’t follow that the commuters have to suffer for the consequences of poor oil regulation in our country. We too want the best for them because in not matter what way we look at it, drivers and commuters are interdependent. I think at the end of the day, it’s a question of where your loyalty lies—to your family or to your passengers. You can have it both ways by the way.

My phone got busted before we went to Palawan last month. I’m the type who usually fiddles on my cellphone although I’ve seen and memorized everything that’s in there. I don’t know why, I just feel the need to do it every once in a while. Now that I’m just using my sister’s spare phone and my contacts were all gone, it’s just surprising how I feel so free and easy.

When I was growing up, few of my friends had walkie talkie and mobiles were yet to be developed. Nowadays, everybody seems to have at least one phone in some form or another and we all seem to be expected to be available at any given time.

I’ve no idea how many times my mobile’s gone off while I’m visiting friends, having dinner in a pub, or standing in a supermarket checkout queue. My house phone has rung while I’m up to my elbows in washing, have my hands full of dough, or am in the middle of eating dinner. Yet time after time the caller has refused to respect that I didn’t want to or couldn’t talk right then. “Just let me tell you about…” seems to be the standard response to my “I can’t talk right now”.

I find it rude when my guests spend 10-15 minutes or more on the phone while I’m sat there like a dumb banana twiddling my thumbs and hearing half of their conversation. In fact I once had I guest spent more than an hour on his mobile, talking to his other half who he’d be seeing the next day anyway!

When I’m socializing, I concentrate on those I’m socializing with, not those who are making unnecessary demands on my time and I expect other reasonably sensible people to do the same.

Do we really believe we’re so important that we have to take every call? Do others really have a right to demand our time in any situation?

Phones obviously have a place in our modern society. I have no question about that.

It’s years now since I’ve been dependant on answering the phone. If it isn’t suitable to talk - and that could be just because I don’t feel like talking - I don’t answer it. I figured that if it’s important they’ll either leave a message or text me; if they don’t then they couldn’t have wanted to get hold of me that badly. Nowadays, being less dependant on my phone helps keep my life simple. I’m not stressed by a ringing phone that I’m unable to answer in the way some people are.

Some say I’m being ignorant and selfish by ignoring a ringing telephone. I know some felt bad because I have not been responding but I’ll do that if I feel the need to do so or if I think it’s really important. For now, I’ll just be like these. I’m still waiting for my new phone. I don’t know if I’ll go back to what I used to after that. We’ll see.

A friend once told me, “keep in mind that each person’s body is unique and you will be happier if you accept yourself for the way you are. Do not compare yourself to others, especially models in magazines. Many of these models are either blessed with extraordinary genetics, living unhealthy life styles, or are air-brushed in magazines to make them look even skinnier than they actually are”.

I was watching the Tyra Banks show earlier through YouTube, it was about how people are judgmental about each other’s weights and how it would feel to walk in another person’s weight for a day. It caught my attention because I have long been dying to really lose weight. Some of my friends tell me that I don’t need to lose weight because I don’t look fat at all but my inner self tells otherwise. It was easy to comprehend how a skinny girl can wear a fat suit and some prosthetics to make herself look obese, but making an obese girl look skinny, that was a challenge. What they did was to make the fat girl look like she’s wearing a badly-fitting fat suit. She went to a party while “wearing” the fat suit, and showed everyone digitally manipulated photos of her looking thin, telling them that that was actually her true weight. The comments directed towards the obese girl [who everyone thought was a skinny girl in a fat suit] were really offensive. Comments like “she’s too fat for me to date”, and many more.

The skinny girl who was actually wearing a real fat suit was struggling to move around all day. Everything is a struggle, from finding clothes that fit, to walking, to dating. The skinny girl actually had the temerity to say that skinny girls like her face as much discrimination as the fat ones. Tyra made a good point when she said that yeah, skinny girls may get discriminated sometimes, but not in the same way that fat girls are. Especially not when all kinds of media print out photos of women who are skinny and pass it off as the only acceptable body-type.

People attempt to lose weight through many ways. Whether it’s a diet pill that works, gastric bypass, or doing it naturally, the desire to change the way you look is sometimes a bittersweet feeling to have. Your goal will lead you to a path filled with many challenges, and the easiest way to get through it is to have the support of the people you love. I have always been saying that you must decide to lose weight for all the right reasons. For me, it is primarily a decision you make about what kind of life you want to live.

Summer is already here and every one is trying to really look their best but let’s take your other view on these things. How do you feel seeing those not-so-sexy people on their swimsuits? bad? or you don’t even care? I think the best critic that we have is only our own selves. Other people don’t even give a damn.

Sometimes your body knows what you need better than you do. If you’re sleep deprived, you’ll fall asleep in the strangest of places despite all physical [standing up] or aural surroundings [during a rock concert].

After only getting a handful of hours sleep the whole weekend, I crashed pretty hard late Monday afternoon after picking up some stuffs at the grocery store. There was some movie playing on the HBO Chaneel that I was half-watching. When I woke up two hours later curled up on the living room floor it was dark and there was a completely different movie playing. I had said that I’d need a nap sometime Sunday, but I don’t remember being tired at all. Quite a good nap to say the least, even if it was unexpected and someone disorienting.

Same thing happened on our Coron trip. I slept at the airport, aboard the plane, riding the banca and almost everywhere we’ve gone to. There were even pictures of me sleeping almost beneath a big rock while everyone’s too busy to pose for the camera.

The experience reminded me of those times when I feel so stressed, alone and emotionally beaten. I will just fall asleep crying and feel better the next day. It’s like going to the basic, it’s like going back to Him. Just feel His peace and comfort. Don’t worry much, you’ll come with better decisions. Avoid making things complicated. There are things that are not meant for us. Learn to accept. Everything will come to pass.

As I’ve said before, it’s the little things that amuse me. Observational humor about our quirks is no exception.

Burp! I’m full! I have large Fiesta Bowl and Root Beer in front of me and I just ate Hotshots and French Fries with Abhi. What a very good start for a tiring day.

I was about to order Pasta Alfredo earlier when the corn of the Fiesta Bowl caught my fancy. I missed the times when we [with my siblings] would usually eat sweet corn every afternoon on a summer season. Those were the times when we would hide from our Mama because she doesn’t [until now] want us to just eat anything from the street vendors.

I have a very weak set of digestive system. Street food was officially off-limits to me as a kid. I can still remember my Mama putting “bigkis” [binder] around my stomach because I can easily get LBM from eating oily, salty and even creamy foods. Between typhoid, cholera and intestinal parasites [just some of the supposed evils associated with street food at the time and, perhaps, still today], I was not allowed to buy anything from a street vendor, not even dirty ice cream. I can actually recall that the vast majority of street food on offer when I was a kid was not hot, fried [or grilled] and oily. There were several barbeque, fish ball and other ambulant vendors, but I remember mostly the fruit and snack vendors – street food was predominantly snack food back then. Outside Baste [our school] are vendors who would always be persuasive to kids like us. Without a doubt, my favorite street food is a crunchy sour green mango, sold with bagoong or shrimp paste. Despite the ban on anything streetside, I used to occasionally buy some green mango. I never did get sick but the dire warnings of the plague usually meant I enjoyed this snack at home in more hygienic conditions. The sourness of the mango and the jolting saltiness of the bagoong are a match made in heaven. I also liked the sweeter and less acidic indian mangoes with salt…

Corn was also a popular street food option as well. Sold from carts that also ply busy intersections, hot boiled or steamed corn was, and still is, a favorite. While on self-packaged fruits that are then steamed to kill all the cooties, how about steamed or boiled peanuts that are also sold streetside? Yum. Even better are their greasy version – fried peanuts with lots of garlic. Finally, my all time favorite cooked fruit is saba bananas and as street food they were sold as turon, banana-que or maruya… I thinks it’s Ron’s [our trainer] favorite also. You would even hear him saying these lines ala Mahal…

Saging na Saba, Masarap Kainin
Saging na Senorita, Itapon na natin? [tama ba Ron?]

The smell that comes from a boiling vat of fat with caramelizing sugar is burned into my memory banks forever… blindfolded, I would know if you walked me past a banana-que vendor!

Nowadays, these ambulant vendors can be seen almost everywhere. Even from corporate areas like Ortigas. Everything you want from dimsuns, sisigs, crepes and my new favorite - Hongkong Style Noodles will be there to put your senses in frenzy. And yeah the UP isaws - di rin papatalo.

Rada [H's friend] called me earlier to join them at MOA for lunch. I said No thanks but later on decided to give in to H’s prodding.

When I got there, the place was jampacked. H was craving for Sushi and so I suggested Sakae. Sakae Sushi has been in the must eat restaurants in H’s list when we were still together. The attractive feature of Sakae Sushi is the conveyor belt where various sushi plates are brought out. The Multicolored Plate is 80 pesos while the red plate is 189 pesos. Rada was totally mesmerized with the conveyor concept that she kept taking sushi plates as it passed her. After the hefty meal, we all agreed - Sakae Sushi: Good Place, Very Good Sushi!

We checked on featured movies and has been TAKEN almost immediately.

As the movie opens [these are the only parts I remeber before I closed my eyes]], the hero of the story, a divorced ex-CIA operative named Bryan Mills [Liam Neeson], is already paranoid about his 17-year-old daughter, Kim [Maggie Grace] traveling to Paris for the first time with only one other friend, Amanda [Katie Cassidy]. After initially refusing to sign consent for her to travel as a minor without parental supervision, he reluctantly agrees thinking that this may be his chance to bond with his estranged daughter since he has moved back closer to his daughter in London, although she has told more than a few lies to be able to slide past Bryan’s seemingly overbearing paranoid assumptions. Then, when she arrives in Paris and while on the phone with her, he overhears her being taken away by some group of men.

The next time I opened my eyes, H was mouthing curses already. We were on our way home already when I asked him what got him pissed. “Those stupid, uncivilized people from our back kept on talking and opening plastics of groceries…” I understand him. We have the same sentiment.

If you talk during a movie, this is an entry you must read. If you vent loudly about your uneventful personal life in public, this is for you too.

And for those of you who do not fall into either category, this is for you.

• When sitting in a crowded theatre, I neither wish to hear the plot analysis from Roger Ebert, nor you. If you have an urge to share, whisper softly to your loved ones, without disturbing others.
• When commercials force their images onto the screen prior to the movie, there is really no need to laugh out loud at the little backward humour and pretend that you really enjoy your date or that you understand the ad.
• When you are on a bus, there are many of us who wish the bus to be private and the sound of your breathing could already be somewhat violating.
• When you talk loudly on a train or a bus - and I don’t care if it is in a foreign language - keep it to yourself!
• When you cough in public, please cover your mouth. We aren’t all lovers. Spit-swapping isn’t necessary.
• When you clip your nails on the bus, the sight and sound can be hazardous to the collective mental health of all passengers. And it’s just plain gross!
• When you’re on a Jeepney or the FX, move your not so skinny ass and give way. Don’t pretend to be confused or you don’t understand what I am saying. Let’s see… “Ching Ni Zhou Dou Ho Mien!” Better?

All that said, it’s really not that hard to be considerate of others, is it?

If your Mom or Dad taught you nothing, it’s time for you to know that… you annoy the shit out of us.

That’s how my day went. Sushi. Taken. H. What could be more complete?

Do you really like your job? Do you feel like everything’s not working for you anymore? Do you feel shortchanged? So why do you stay? What’s your motivation?

Everybody knows that motivation is vital for our lives. If you want to achieve something, you need to have motivation to work on it. Have you ever came across someday where you feel very motivated and you are so driven to take actions? Have you ever felt like someday in your life, you just don’t have the drive to do anything, you are in a bad mood, you don’t feel motivated at all?

As you can see now, if you can make yourself keep staying in the motivated state all the time, you can achieve much more in your life. Why? This is because if you are motivated, you will do everything that you have put off long before, you will do your work with more energy, hence, better results. This is why you need to stay motivated if you want to succeed in your life.

In order to keep yourself motivated all the time, you need to understand where did all the forces and energy come from? Why can you stay motivated and where are the sources. If you can find where this powerful energy comes from, then you can make use of it in your life. This is how successful people find their motivation and keep them driven toward their goals and dreams.

So, the question now is, where is the source of energy? Where it is coming from and how can you create this source of energy? To make it simple, it is a one-word answer, reasons. Yes, you read that right. It is the reason that keeps you going in your workplace. If you don’t have those reasons, you wouldn’t want another day to spend there.

I have my reason. I have Kelly, Gay, Almsie, Abi, Ron, Abhi, Evette, Carol, Nina, Ed, Lanie, Gen, Zelot and Liz [now I'm missing Julie-ly].

Are you friends with your co-workers and your boss? Or even former bosses? There’s a difference between being just colleagues and being friends, your relationship extends beyond the confines of the office. Some people might say that’s not professional and make it a big deal. But for some it’s normal – like I hang out with my bosses outside office. And it’s not always true that a friendship between a staff and his or her boss have to begin from the boss. Friendships aside, if you do your work and you kick butt at it, your boss will always be impressed. You’ll always stand out. At the same time, it’s always a pleasant experience when co-workers extend the hand of friendship to you – like how my friends did with me. You spend more than 8 hours in the office, you need to have friends to hang out with, go to lunch, talk, and shoot crap and so on…

Personally, I think having friends in the office lifts up the morale. It’s really important, especially now, when we hear everyday about the recession, the economy, and the layoffs. It really keeps the team spirit alive. There are also dark linings on silver clouds. Don’t take your friend/co-worker for granted. You can’t take liberties with your work just because you had drinks with your boss the other night. [Gay would kill me if I didn’t do my wok right! Sometimes I think she’s harder on me, the same way I feel the pressure to do better because she might think I'm taking advantage of our friendship].

Never forget to keep personal things personal and keep your professional nose clean. That way you can always have a great professional work atmosphere and enjoy nights out with friends. We spend most of our time at work, having friends around makes working fun, and more productive.

Almsie, Kelly and I have somehow talked about gay gestures earlier. We were waiting for some of our friends to join us for lunch when the issue came up. A question started to bother my mind. How are straight people reacting to the current situation? Anywhere you go, you will see gay people. I will categorize everyone that is not straight to be gay okay? I don’t want to argue on this.

A straight colleague of mine has recently expressed some of his gay fantasies, trying to intrigue gay colleagues of his that there could be a little bit of bisexuality in him. A close friend — for years — had trouble fending off sexual advances made by his same-sex supervisors, but recently he outed himself as a bisexual man. An acquaintance, who is on the verge of getting engaged, finds his gay friend’s admiration of his good looks a bigger turn-on than his girlfriend could ever be in any piece of sexy lingerie. A girl friend once told me that if only she’s single and with no kids, she would have been with the same sex.

Are these “straight” men/women trying to prove that they are just open-minded? Or is there more to it? Has political correctness gone overboard, and now straight people think it’s not only okay to tolerate gay lifestyles but to share some of their homosexual desires, too?

What is behind these sudden confessions of bisexuality? Can sex be just sex, no matter the object of desire? Do we live in a world with a population more ” bisexual” than either straight and gay?

A person both Z and I know, hiddenly flaunts his bisexuality and I don’t know if he notices it. He pushes himself to act like a straight guy but his gestures shed his true self. These acts never stopped him from paying compliments to both his male and female colleagues. And so strengthens our observations.

Sometimes, you can see the awkwardness in the girls receiving them. One might think he’s one of the very rare, vocal “bisexuals” out there. But what if his sexuality isn’t all that rare. What if the only thing that makes him a minority is his willingness to be so vocal about it?

People may have assumed a sexual identity through their social interactions and influences. Afterall, how do you know what you’re attracted to, or what “beautiful” looks like to you? Maybe our sexual identity is a product of the images of “beauty” and “gender-appropriate” attractiveness we’re exposed to from birth.

Metrosexuals, the modern straight paragon of male fashion and grace didn’t exactly learn their sense of style and good looks by imitating women. Rather, they copied gay men. Can straight men, then, learn to be gay? Is sexuality more an attraction to a “beauty” aesthetic than a to a gender?

In our society, physical attractions have never been clearly defined. Gay men learn to worship styles from strong, heterosexual female icons. Straight men admire the extraordinary athleticism from their male baseball or hockey stars. These attractions may not be sexually charged but can sound just as homoerotic. But who is to say that if you’re straight you will never go gay? And if you’re gay, being traditional will forever be out of the question.

So tell me, do you also have the tendency?

These days are really tiring to the core. I can hardly go to sleep. I’ll be able to take a nap soon as I get home but that would only last for an hour or two. Then it’s work time again. The feeling that you’re shortchanged for everything adds to the burden too. I don’t know how to explain it. Sigh.

I’m sure nobody wants having this feeling - a sense of unsatisfaction and discontentment. do you get these moments when you feel that everything could still be much better than it is now? When you feel that a lot of people are standing on better ground and being washed down with cleaner rain? Yes, I know it’s unhealthy but I’m not sure myself where this is coming from so I guess it’s worth listing down the possibilities. Maybe through this I can get this out of my system and feel a whole lot better… If you have seen my Friendster account before, you should have noticed three words written under the “About Me” area. “Happy and contented…” Now I’m thinking, do I post another one which says- “Gloomy and unsatisfied…?” Nah. I’ll get over this. Maybe I just really lack sleep. I’ll just count my blessings, and tomorrow, my Friendster account will just be a reflection of what and how im feeling… “Happy and contented…” These thought made me remember also what we used to sing when I was still living with my Uncle Pastor.

Count Your Blessings

When upon life’s billows
You are tempest tossed
When you are discouraged,
Thinking all is lost
Count your many blessings,
Name them one by one
And it will suprise you
What the Lord has done.

Chorus:

Count your blessings,
Name them one by one
Count your blessings,
See what God has done
Count your blessings,
Name them one by one
Count your many blessings,
See what God has done.

Are you ever burdened
With a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy
You are called to bear?
Count your many blessings,
Ev’ry doubt will fly
And you will be singing
As the days go by.

When you look at others
With their lands and gold
Think that Christ has promised
You His wealth untold
Count your many blessings,
Money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven,
Nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict,
Whether great or small
Do not be discouraged,
Godis over all
Count your many blessings,
Angels will attend
Help and comfort give you
To your journey’s end.

And have you noticed my new multiply theme? A friend www.ejo23.multiply.com made that. He’s such a nice and sweet person.

That’s one thing I should be grateful for right?

With all the problems everyone is encountering, all the pains and sorrows, the longings and the hardships, it’s but just normal to look for something to lighten up the situation. I, for one, have been thinking about people who inspire me most recently. Inspiration is something people seek all the time. I look for it so much you could probably call me an “inspiration junkie”. As a blogger, I feel the need to be inspired all the time. It goes hand in hand with being enthusiastic about something.

And guess what? I’m not the only one out there! You too look for inspirations, you’re just denying it but of course you can’t. When I’m stuck with my job, I start thinking about people who inspire me–especially my family and friends.

Before I go, I’d like to share with you my top favorite inspirational quotes:

• A friend is there to give you love just when you need it most. Mama gave this when I was in High School
• The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King Jr.
• ‘Pag si Mama, magaling. Parang may Magic Touch. My brother Pipoy at age 7
• Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams
• If you would create something, you must be something. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. Epictetus
• The purpose of life is a life of purpose. Robert Byrne

I love quotes [solicited], daily doses of wisdom, writing and taking pictures. They’re great pick-me-uppers. So, what inspires you and why? Or even who inspires you in your life? Give a holla back and leave me comments.

I came so early to work today. I met H and watched “Watchmen”. I’d like to tell you more about the story bul I’ll save that for next entry. Well, in a nutshell, I think the movie came out pretty well – and that’s an understatement. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, be forewarned that those of you expecting a superhero movie the likes of Superman or the X-Men will be severely disappointed, so best you throw those misconceptions out the window as you step into the theater. Heck, except for one person, none of the story’s heroes actually have superpowers. While the story revolves around the concept of masked heroes, the movie is not your run-of-the-mill good vs. evil or order vs. freedom or other similar paradigms. The use of masked heroes in this movie is a tool to drive a point. What point? Well, that’s what we’ll be talking about next time.

After the movie, we ate and went to the usual bantering. It dawned to me that this “more-insensitive-than-I-already-am-H” still reads my blog because he asked me about Maysilo guy. “I think you’re already fine”, you had fun sa Palawan right?”. I didn’t respond and focused on eating my pasta. “Are you already okay?” I then said “No”.

So many people feel as if they have to put on a strong face after something bad has happened to them… And I’m not just talking about relationship issues here. This could range from a death in the family to failing a class, or even losing a job. We tend to feel the need to appear strong because we have seen other people act this way and also because we don’t want to appear weak to others.

Well, guess what?

It’s okay to be not okay.

We too often put on a mask to appear the way that we want to be seen or the way that we feel we should be seen. But this isn’t going to make things better, and it’s not going to solve anything either.

So if you’re feeling “not okay,” say it, and don’t put on a mask to conceal how you feel. You’re not weak, and it’s not a cry for help. You’re just simply telling the truth about how you’re feeling. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Besides, the sooner you can admit that you’re feeling blue, the quicker the grey clouds will fade above your head.

“Are we okay?”

“Of course we are!”

“At least tayo okay na ‘no?”